Always Prepared

There is a verse in the Bible that says:

Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage--with great patience and careful instruction. (2 Timothy 4:2) That is what we are supposed to do as Christians - be always prepared to share Christ with people. There is another verse (1 Peter 3:15) that says "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." We may think we have plenty of time to study the Bible or come up with explanations for why we believe what we believe. We can do it later...Then suddenly, an opporunity to share our faith comes along and we miss it because we are not prepared. As pianists, large amounts of time may go by where there are no performances or opportunities in sight and we may be tempted to think there is time to slack off a little. But then, just when we least expect it, an opportunity will present itself. If we have kept practicing diligently, then we will be prepared and able to take advantage of the opportunity. But, if we have slackened the pace, thinking there was plenty of time, we may miss valuable experiences because we weren't prepared. Moral of the story: Whether as a Christian or a Pianist, we must work diligently at ALL TIMES so that we are ALWAYS PREPARED.We never know when a life-changing opportunity may present itself.

Perfection

Perfection is the only thing that is good enough. No "almost" or "very close." Nothing but absolute perfection. No excuses. That is the goal that drives every minute of practice, every lesson, every performance. And it is a very elusive goal. No matter how hard I work at piano and how much progress I make, I still fall so short of the ultimate goal. It is hard not to be discouraged by that fact sometimes. However, it is just the reality of this career. As soon as you master one skill or one aspect of a piece, there is something else to improve or learn or fix. The layers and possibilities for improvement are endless. And, the parts you have already "mastered" can easily slip back into imperfection. Unlike an artist, who works and works to produce the perfect painting or photograph or sculpture but then once they have created it, it is there more or less permanently, as a pianist, you have to recreate perfection every time you play. While the impossibility of achieving perfection is daunting, discouraging, and overwhelming, it is also the challenge of it that is part of what make being a pianist so compelling. It also keeps playing the piano from ever being boring. You can ALWAYS be better.

When I think about how no matter how hard I try, I still fall so short of perfection, I cannot help but think of how that is true just in general in life. "We have all sinned and come short of the glory of God." No matter how hard I work, I will never arrive, never be good enough. That is why God sent Jesus - to be perfection for us. When we accept Jesus, He covers our inadequacy with His perfection. And, He is constantly working in us and through us to help us live out that perfection in our day to day lives. One day, I will be in heaven, where I will be completely sanctified and perfected - both as a person and as a pianist.

If it were easy...

Piano is incredibly hard. Most people do not have any idea how very difficult it is to truly master it. When they think of the piano, they think of their childhood piano lessons and the simple pieces they played, the forced 30 minutes (or possibly an hour if they were really dedicated) of practice. To play the piano on a concert pianist level is a completely different story. It takes hours and hours and hours of practice, careful, detailed work trying to make each phrase and nuance perfect, listening to tone, phrasing, pedal, dynamics, balance, accuracy and a million other details. It is difficult physically, emotionally, and mentally. After a day's practice, you feel wrung out emotionally, like your brain is a wet noodle, and your body aches from head to toe. Just accomplishing a day of practice is a daunting task, let alone when you have to fit it in between teaching, studying, working, and living daily life. And you have to do this day after day, year after year, whether you are sick, busy, tired, move, change jobs, get married, lose someone you love, or any other crisis or event! And that is just the practicing part of it! Then there are the lessons, the incredible pressure of being prepared each week, of being criticized and analyzed and ripped in pieces each lesson, the intense self-loathing and frustration when you don't perform up to par. After the lessons, there are the performances. The nerves, the feeling of falling off a cliff, the fatigue from the exertion of playing a concert, the wrung out feeling afterwards, having to deal with parts of the performance that were not perfect. And of course, that is only if you were lucky enough to get the engagements in the first place. Classical music is incredibly competitive, and there is the constant pressure to be the best, not so you can have bragging rights, but so you are the one who gets accepted in the school, who gets invited to play the concert, and so on.

After reading this, you are probably wondering why anyone would put themselves through this. That is because there is another side to it - the intense joy and satisfaction you get when you learn a challenging piece or have a successful lesson or give an electrifying performance. There is the pure physical exhilaration of your fingers flying up and down the keys, of your arms thundering out powerful octaves, of your whole body being one with the music - like a dancer enacting dazzling choreography on the black and white surface. Then there is the way the music touches your soul,  grips your heart, and you have to find a way to say what it means to you - what it is telling you on the inside - you have to get it out and the only way is through the shining keys. And then there are the times when you are performing and you forget the notes and the technique and the difficulties and imperfections and you and the music are one. Inexplicably, you forget about nerves and fingers and you play as you never have before. You communicate the message you came to share and performer and audience alike are moved in the depths of their beings. There is nothing in the world like it. Practicing and performing are addicting. You become riveted by the sheer impossibility of it all. Never mind the difficulties - it is worth it. You dedicate your life to it. You can't get enough.

Is it not the same way in our Christian lives? Who would just want to be a Christian? It adds extra stress and things to do - reading our Bible, going to church, helping with ministries. We are promised difficulties and heart ache and persecution. People misunderstand us (which guess what, they do with pianists too!). We are given a guide book full of impossible instructions. "Be ye perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." What? Who can be perfect? We are told to take up our cross and deny ourselves. But, being a Christian is worth it because we have Christ. He gives us salvation, grace, peace, and joy, and what's more, He fills a yearning in us that nothing else can fill. When we see His loveliness, we can't get enough. And that is why, we count all things but loss so we can follow Him. HE makes it worth it.

The one thing I always remind myself whether about being a pianist or  a Christian:

If it were easy, everyone would do it.

Judgement Day

I turn into the woodsy drive. I feel pretty good about today. I have practiced pretty well - I think I'm prepared. My teacher greets me at the door, and I sit down at the piano and begin to play. Suddenly, my preparation doesn't seem so solid. The sections that seemed "pretty good" at home I suddenly see for what they really are - sloppy, unmusical. How could I have thought that I was ready for this lesson, that I had practiced enough, that my pieces were good enough? Why didn't I see that anything less than perfection wouldn't cut it?

This has happened many times in a lesson - even when I honestly thought at home that I was striving for perfection and practicing carefully and diligently. When I am playing at a lesson, I have a different perspective. One day, I was thinking about how all my best efforts suddenly seem trite and unworthy when I have to present them to my teacher, and I realized that this is exactly what it will be like one day when we have to stand before God and present Him with our best efforts at righteousness. Suddenly, our lives, our words, our actions, our thoughts which seemed "pretty good" when we were looking at them through our eyes will be seen for what they really are - filthy rags. Nothing less than perfection is going to "cut it" for the Almighty God of the Universe. Unfortunately, we can never be perfect on our own. Thankfully, God has provided a solution through His Son, Jesus Christ. When we trust in Him, we are covered in HIS righteousness, so God sees us as His perfection. 

Unfortunately for me, there is no such solution for piano. I just have to keep striving for perfection and try to listen with my teacher's ears as I practice. If one day after a lesson, I disappear, you will know what happened. Judgement has come.

The Purpose of this Blog

I am a serious pianist. I eat, sleep, breathe, dream, live piano. I practice as much as I can each day and am always trying to find time to practice more ( I practice anywhere from 5-7 hours a day). I drive to Macon each week (3 hours one way) to take lessons from a Juilliard graduate and concert pianist. I have multiple dreams and goals regarding piano - my life centers around it in many ways. However, there is one thing that my life centers around even more than piano - and that is my relationship with Jesus Christ. He defines my life, He gives me grace and strength, joy and peace. He also inspires me in my musical studies  - He IS my song. It is His calling that I follow as I pursue the passion He has placed within my heart. The surprising thing is, as I study the piano, I keep having greater insight into my walk with Jesus. And as I learn more about living the Christian life, I learn more about being a pianist. I never dreamed that they would be so interconnected but they are. At least for me. Maybe it is because they are the two most important things in my life. And that is what this blog is about - the lessons I have learned as I live out my passion for Jesus and my passion for piano day by day. It is my Heartsong.